The Little Professor is a backwards calculator designed for children ages five to nine. Instead of providing the answer to a mathematical expression entered by the user, it generates unsolved expressions and prompts the user for the answer. The Little Professor was first released by Texas Instruments in 1976. As the first electronic educational toy, the Little Professor is a common item on calculator collectors’ lists. An emulator of the Little Professor for Android was published in 2012.
I still have my Little Professor calculator from the early 1980s in a box somewhere, as well as a couple of Tiger handheld games. I was quite fond of the robotic way the Little Professor spoke. If you play as the Little Professor in my retro artillery game, he throws money. In other money-throwing news, we officially closed on a new house today, and so the laborious process of moving across town begins. Keeping up with any of my hobbies is going to be difficult for a little while.
Elton John (born Reginald Dwight) is an English singer, songwriter, composer, pianist and record producer. He has worked with lyricist Bernie Taupin as his songwriter partner since 1967; they have collaborated on more than 30 albums to date. In his five-decade career Elton John has sold more than 300 million records, making him one of the bestselling music artists in the world. He released seven consecutive No. 1 U.S. albums and 58 Billboard Top 40 singles. For 31 consecutive years (1970-2000) John had at least one song in the Billboard Hot 100. He has been heavily involved in the fight against AIDS since the late 1980s. John champions LGBT social movements worldwide and same-sex marriage. John was born on March 25, 1947.
Jeff Koons is an American artist known for his reproductions of banal objects—such as balloon animals produced in stainless steel with mirror-finish surfaces. He lives and works in both New York City and his hometown of York, Pennsylvania. Some critics view his work as pioneering and of major art-historical importance, while others dismiss his work as kitsch: crass and based on cynical self-merchandising. Koons has stated that there are no hidden meanings in his works, nor any critiques. In 2013, Koons’s Balloon Dog (Orange) sold for $58.4 million, becoming the most expensive work by a living artist sold at auction. Koons was born on January 21, 1955.
Note: It seemed fitting to model 8-bit Koons after his famous stainless steel Rabbit (1986), now owned by the Museum of Contemporary Art, Chicago. A balloon replica of Rabbit (which itself was an enlarged cast of an inflatable plastic toy) floated through Times Square during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on November 22, 2007.
Henry John Deutschendorf, Jr., known professionally as John Denver, was an American singer-songwriter, activist and humanitarian. Throughout his life, Denver recorded and released approximately 300 songs, about 200 of which he composed, with total sales of over 33 million. His signature songs include “Take Me Home, Country Roads,” “Annie’s Song,” “Rocky Mountain High” and “Sunshine on My Shoulders.” Denver was one of the most popular acoustic artists of the 1970s and one of its best-selling artists. In the following decade, he continued to record, but also focused on calling attention to environmental issues, lent his vocal support to space exploration and testified in front of Congress to protest against censorship in music. Denver was an avid pilot, and died in a single-fatality crash of his personal aircraft on October 12, 1997 at the age of 53. He was born on December 31, 1943.
P.S. The best John Denver movie moment is this driving scene in an ’84 sheepdog van. Harry Dunne: “I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.” Lloyd Christmas: “I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver’s full of shit, man.”
Q*bert is the title character of an arcade video game developed and published by Gottlieb in 1982. It is a 2D action game with puzzle elements that uses “isometric” graphics to create a pseudo-3D effect. The object is to change the color of every cube in a pyramid by making the on-screen character hop on top of the cube while avoiding obstacles and enemies. The game was conceived by video game programmer Warren Davis and artist Jeff Lee. Lee designed the orange, armless title character and the original concept by drawing a pyramid of cubes inspired by M. C. Escher. The character jumped along the cubes and shot projectiles, called “mucus bombs,” from a tubular nose at enemies. Q*bert was developed under the project name Cubes, but was briefly named Snots and Boogers and @!#?@! during development. The game was Gottlieb’s most successful video game and among the most recognized brands from the golden age of arcade video games.
I obviously didn’t have to modify the 8-bit arcade sprite of Q*bert very much to fit the format of my Mascot Mashup: Gorillas artillery game. I’m surprised it took me almost 800 characters to make him. When I think of Q*bert, I think of playing the Atari 5200 cartridge at my cousin Brian’s house at Christmastime in West Virginia. I never owned a copy of the game, but I was fascinated by its pyramid structure.
Tetsuo Shima is the main antagonist of the manga and 1988 anime movie Akira. One of the youngest members of a motorcycle gang in Neo-Tokyo, Tetsuo was once the best friend of leader Shotaro Kaneda. At the beginning of the story, Tetsuo is severely injured in a mysterious motorcycle accident, which causes him to display immense powers, including telekinesis, teleportation, mind-reading and a shield that allows him to breathe in space. Tetsuo’s mental instability increases with the manifestation of his powers. This ultimately drives him insane and destroys his friendship with Kaneda, who becomes his nemesis.
Note: I created 8-bit Tetsuo after the point in the story where he synthesizes an artificial, metal arm to replace his severed right arm. Also, today is 9/11. Last year on September 11, I published my 666th pixel art character, Nero. In 2012, I posted Augusto Pinochet on this day. That’s three villains in a row. But if you go back to 2011, on the 10th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, I published Captain America. Because, ‘Merica.
Reggie Miller is a retired American professional basketball player and current NBA commentator. He played his entire 18-year NBA career with the Indiana Pacers (1987-2005). Miller was known for his precision three-point shooting, especially in pressure situations and most notably against the New York Knicks, for which he earned the nickname “Knick Killer.” When he retired, he held the record for most career three-point field goals made; he is currently second on the list behind Ray Allen. A five-time All-Star selection, Miller led the league in free throw accuracy five times and won a gold medal in the 1996 Summer Olympics. The Pacers retired his No. 31 in 2006. Miller was born on this day in 1965.
I will never forget Miller’s eight points in 8.9 seconds in the 1995 Eastern Conference Semifinals to defeat the Knicks and Patrick Ewing. I was watching that game on May 7, 1995 as a 16-year-old obsessed with basketball. Aside from Michael Jordan, most of my favorite players were three-point specialists, as that was often my role when I played team basketball. Another memorable Miller moment was his two-handed choke sign (and his infamous one-handed choke/nut grab taunt) directed at irritating Knicks fan Spike Lee during the 1994 Eastern Conference Finals. Here are a couple of relevant matchups: Reggie Miller vs. Spike Lee and Reggie Miller vs. Patrick Ewing.
Chris Mullin is a retired American basketball player and former general manager of the NBA’s Golden State Warriors. He played shooting guard and small forward in the NBA from 1985 to 2001. A five-time NBA All-Star, Mullin played for the Warriors from the 1985 to 1997 and the Indiana Pacers from 1997 to 2000. He retired after a final season playing for his original team, the Warriors. Mullin won Olympic gold medals as a member of the 1984 and 1992 United States men’s national basketball teams.
John Stockton is a retired American professional basketball player. He spent his entire professional playing career as a point guard for the NBA’s Utah Jazz, from 1984 to 2003, forming a formidable duo with his teammate Karl Malone. Stockton is regarded as one of the best point guards of all time, holding the NBA records for most career assists and steals by considerable margins. He is a 10-time NBA All-Star and a two-time Olympic gold medal winner (1992, 1996) as a member of the “Dream Team.” Stockton appeared in the playoffs every season of his career, including the NBA Finals in 1997 and 1998 with the Jazz.
Karl Malone, nicknamed “The Mailman,” is a retired American professional basketball power forward. He spent his first 18 seasons (1985-2003) in the NBA with the Utah Jazz and formed a formidable duo with his teammate John Stockton. Malone was a two-time NBA MVP (1997, 1999) , a 14-time NBA All-Star and a two-time Olympic gold medal winner (1992, 1996) as a member of the “Dream Team.” He scored the second-most career points in NBA history (36,928), and holds the records for most free throws attempted and made. Malone appeared in the playoffs every season in his career, including the NBA Finals in 1997 and 1998 with the Jazz. He played his final season with the Los Angeles Lakers, with whom he played his third Finals in 2004.
Clyde Drexler is a retired American professional basketball swingman, who played for the NBA’s Portland Trail Blazers (1983-95) and Houston Rockets (1995-98). Nicknamed “Clyde the Glide,” he is a 10-time NBA All-Star and won an Olympic gold medal in 1992 as a member of the “Dream Team.” Drexler came closest to bringing an NBA championship to Oregon in the 1992 NBA Finals, but Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls prevailed. Drexler went on to win an NBA championship in 1995 as a member of the Houston Rockets, alongside his college teammate Hakeem Olajuwon. He currently serves as a color commentator for Rockets home games.
Note: Before entering the NBA, Drexler and Olajuwon played together on the 1982-83 University of Houston men’s basketball team. Nicknamed Phi Slama Jama, the Houston Cougars teams of 1982 to 1984 popularized an athletic, fast-breaking “above the rim” style of play. Both Cougars teams ended up losing in the NCAA tournament final. In 1983, they were shockingly upset by North Carolina State on a buzzer-beating dunk. In 1984, they lost to a strong Georgetown team anchored by Patrick Ewing.
Charles Barkley is a retired American professional basketball player and current television analyst, who played power forward for the NBA’s Philadelphia 76ers (1984-1992), Phoenix Suns (1992-1996) and Houston Rockets (1996-2000). Nicknamed “Chuck,” “Sir Charles,” and “The Round Mound of Rebound,” Barkley is a 11-time NBA All-Star, the 1991 All-Star MVP, the 1993 NBA MVP and a two-time Olympic gold medal winner (1992, 1996) as a member of the “Dream Team.” Short for a power forward, Barkley used his strength and aggressiveness to become one of the NBA’s most dominant rebounders. Though popular, Barkley has often been the butt of jokes regarding his weight problems, unorthodox golf swing and highly opinionated persona.
P.S. Don’t forget that time in 1992 when a 300-foot-tall Charles Barkley dunked on Godzilla in downtown Tokyo. And later, in 1993, Dark Horse Comics released the one-shot comic book Godzilla vs. Barkley. This really happened.
Patrick Ewing, Sr. is a retired Jamaican-American basketball player. He played most of his career for the NBA’s New York Knicks as their starting center and played briefly for the Seattle SuperSonics and Orlando Magic. He is currently the associate head coach of the Charlotte Hornets, working under head coach Steve Clifford and owner Michael Jordan. Ewing won Olympic gold medals as a member of the 1984 and 1992 United States men’s national basketball teams. His number 33 was retired by the Knicks in 2003. He was born on this day in 1962.
Today is my daughter Ramona’s first birthday. She shares her birthday with Patrick Ewing, Neil Armstrong and Adam Yauch (MCA) of the Beastie Boys. Ramona is good. But back to Ewing. As a childhood fan of the Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan in the late 1980s and 1990s, the attitude of Ewing’s Knicks always irritated me. I couldn’t stand John Starks, Charles Oakley, Anthony Mason and the whole rotten lot of them.
Barry Bonds is a retired Major League Baseball (MLB) left fielder. During a 22-year baseball career, he played for the Pittsburgh Pirates (1986-1992) and the San Francisco Giants (1993-2007). He is the son of former MLB All-Star outfielder Bobby Bonds. A 14-time All-Star and 8-time Gold Glove Award-winner, Bonds is considered one of the greatest baseball players of all time. He won the National League (NL) Most Valuable Player Award seven times, including four consecutively, both of which are records. Bonds also holds the MLB records for most career home runs (762), most home runs in a single season (73, set in 2001), most career walks (2,558) and most career intentional walks (688). He led a controversial career, notably as a central figure in baseball’s steroids scandal, in which he was convicted of obstruction of justice during the government’s investigation of BALCO. Bonds was born on this day in 1964.
It seemed fitting to make Bonds my 762nd pixel art character in honor of his 762 career home runs, especially since today is also his birthday. As evidenced by the testimony of my previous MLB pixel art character, Dock Ellis, modern players have always been using performance-enhancing drugs. Greenies and bennies were easy to get and commonly used by the late 1960s, and baseball players weren’t even tested for steroids until 2004. Keeping Bonds out of the Baseball Hall of Fame is a ludicrous double standard by a bunch of pompous old men. I do not endorse cheating by any athlete, but let’s get real here and climb off our high horses. Bonds was one of the most talented hitters and most important figures in the game of baseball, regardless of steroids. In fact, thanks to steroids, he may have grown the biggest head size the game has ever known.
Warrior (born James Brian Hellwig) was an American professional wrestler, who wrestled most famously under the ring name the Ultimate Warrior. He was best known for his appearances in the World Wrestling Federation (WWF, now WWE) from 1987 to 1996, as well as his stint in World Championship Wrestling (WCW) in 1998. Warrior died last week, on April 8, 2014, at the age of 54. Over the preceding three days he had been inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame, appeared at WrestleMania XXX and made his final public appearance on Raw.
Note: I never followed the WWF closely, but I do remember junior-high classmates discussing rumors of how the Ultimate Warrior had died in 1991, and was secretly being portrayed by a new wrestler—thus the drastic change in his appearance (shorter, blonder hair and a smaller physique). It seems he was always Hellwig though. Shrug.
Julius Erving, commonly known by the nickname Dr. J, is a retired American basketball player who helped launch a modern style of play that emphasizes leaping and play above the rim. Erving helped legitimize the American Basketball Association (ABA), and was the best-known player in that league when it merged with the NBA after the 1975-76 season. Erving won three championships, four MVP awards, and three scoring titles with the ABA’s Virginia Squires and New York Nets (now the NBA’s Brooklyn Nets) and the NBA’s Philadelphia 76ers. He is the sixth-highest scorer in ABA/NBA history. He was well known for slam dunking from the free throw line in Slam Dunk Contests and was the only player voted MVP in both the ABA and the NBA. Erving was born on this day in 1950.
Bonnie Blair is a retired American speedskater. She is one of the top skaters of her time, and one of the most decorated athletes in Olympic history. Blair competed for the United States in four Winter Olympics (1984, 1988, 1992, 1994), winning five gold medals and one bronze medal.
Goose Gossage is a retired Major League Baseball (MLB) right-handed relief pitcher. During a 22-year baseball career (1972-1994), he pitched for nine different teams, spending his best years with the New York Yankees and San Diego Padres. In the late 1970s and early 1980s, he was one of the earliest manifestations of the dominating modern closer, with wild facial hair and a gruff demeanor to go along with his blistering fastball. From 1977 through 1983 he never recorded an earned run average over 2.62, including a mark of 0.77 in 1981. Respected for his impact in crucial games, he recorded the final out to clinch a division, league or World Series title seven times. He won the 1978 World Series with the Yankees.
Note: This 8-bit version of Gossage shows him wearing a 1976 Chicago White Sox uniform, which briefly featured shorts instead of pants, until they realized what a stupid idea that was. Also, pardon the anachronism, but I had to give Gossage his signature handlebar mustache even though the 1976 season predates it. This is character #8 in my ugly uniform series.
Gary Larson is an American cartoonist. He is the creator of The Far Side, a surreal single-panel cartoon series that was syndicated internationally to over 900 newspapers for 15 years. The series ended with Larson’s retirement on January 1, 1995. His 23 books of collected cartoons have combined sales of more than 45 million copies. In an open letter, Larson famously asked his fans not to distribute his cartoons (which he called his “kids”) illegally on the Internet. He was born on this day in 1950.
I have depicted 8-bit Gary Larson as the red-haired fat kid from his The Far Side cartoons, though Larson is neither overweight nor has red hair. The Fat Kid was one of the many unnamed stock characters that regularly appeared in Larson’s comic, perhaps most famously in the Midvale School for the Gifted strip. When I was in junior high school in the early 1990s, I expressed my appreciation of The Far Side by making a pretty great (if I do say so myself) papier-mâché head of the Fat Kid for a Mardi Gras art project.
Danny Heep is a retired Major League Baseball (MLB) outfielder. He played for five different ballclubs during his 13-year career (1979-1991): the Houston Astros, New York Mets, Los Angeles Dodgers, Boston Red Sox and Atlanta Braves. Heep won two World Series championships, with the New York Mets in 1986 and the Los Angeles Dodgers in 1988. He had the exceptionally trivial honor of being the the first DH (designated hitter) in a World Series to have the initial “DH.” Heep was also the 4000th strikeout victim of Nolan Ryan on July 11, 1985. He was born on this day in 1957.
Note: Danny Heep’s career achievements notwithstanding, the real reason for this character is because I wanted to create pixel art of the fantastically ugly 1980 Tucson Toros uniforms. In 1980, the Toros were a Triple-A minor league baseball team affiliated with the Houston Astros. These hilariously hideous uniforms were Tucson’s take on the “tequila sunrise” jerseys worn by the Houston Astros (see: Nolan Ryan). Since Heep had the best MLB career of any player on the 1980 Toros roster, he gets this pixel art (dis)honor. This is character #7 in my ugly uniform series.
Little Professor – No. 866
The Little Professor is a backwards calculator designed for children ages five to nine. Instead of providing the answer to a mathematical expression entered by the user, it generates unsolved expressions and prompts the user for the answer. The Little Professor was first released by Texas Instruments in 1976. As the first electronic educational toy, the Little Professor is a common item on calculator collectors’ lists. An emulator of the Little Professor for Android was published in 2012.
I still have my Little Professor calculator from the early 1980s in a box somewhere, as well as a couple of Tiger handheld games. I was quite fond of the robotic way the Little Professor spoke. If you play as the Little Professor in my retro artillery game, he throws money. In other money-throwing news, we officially closed on a new house today, and so the laborious process of moving across town begins. Keeping up with any of my hobbies is going to be difficult for a little while.