Clyde Drexler is a retired American professional basketball swingman, who played for the NBA’s Portland Trail Blazers (1983-95) and Houston Rockets (1995-98). Nicknamed “Clyde the Glide,” he is a 10-time NBA All-Star and won an Olympic gold medal in 1992 as a member of the “Dream Team.” Drexler came closest to bringing an NBA championship to Oregon in the 1992 NBA Finals, but Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls prevailed. Drexler went on to win an NBA championship in 1995 as a member of the Houston Rockets, alongside his college teammate Hakeem Olajuwon. He currently serves as a color commentator for Rockets home games.
Note: Before entering the NBA, Drexler and Olajuwon played together on the 1982-83 University of Houston men’s basketball team. Nicknamed Phi Slama Jama, the Houston Cougars teams of 1982 to 1984 popularized an athletic, fast-breaking “above the rim” style of play. Both Cougars teams ended up losing in the NCAA tournament final. In 1983, they were shockingly upset by North Carolina State on a buzzer-beating dunk. In 1984, they lost to a strong Georgetown team anchored by Patrick Ewing.
Charles Barkley is a retired American professional basketball player and current television analyst, who played power forward for the NBA’s Philadelphia 76ers (1984-1992), Phoenix Suns (1992-1996) and Houston Rockets (1996-2000). Nicknamed “Chuck,” “Sir Charles,” and “The Round Mound of Rebound,” Barkley is a 11-time NBA All-Star, the 1991 All-Star MVP, the 1993 NBA MVP and a two-time Olympic gold medal winner (1992, 1996) as a member of the “Dream Team.” Short for a power forward, Barkley used his strength and aggressiveness to become one of the NBA’s most dominant rebounders. Though popular, Barkley has often been the butt of jokes regarding his weight problems, unorthodox golf swing and highly opinionated persona.
P.S. Don’t forget that time in 1992 when a 300-foot-tall Charles Barkley dunked on Godzilla in downtown Tokyo. And later, in 1993, Dark Horse Comics released the one-shot comic book Godzilla vs. Barkley. This really happened.
David Robinson is a retired American professional basketball player, who played center for the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs for his entire career. Based on his prior service as an officer in the United States Navy, Robinson earned the nickname “The Admiral.” Robinson is a 10-time NBA All-Star, the 1995 NBA MVP, a two-time NBA champion (1999, 2003) and a two-time Olympic gold medal winner (1992, 1996) as a member of the “Dream Team.” He is widely considered one of the greatest centers in both college and NBA history. To date, Robinson is the only player from Navy to play in the NBA. He was born on this day in 1965.
Patrick Ewing, Sr. is a retired Jamaican-American basketball player. He played most of his career for the NBA’s New York Knicks as their starting center and played briefly for the Seattle SuperSonics and Orlando Magic. He is currently the associate head coach of the Charlotte Hornets, working under head coach Steve Clifford and owner Michael Jordan. Ewing won Olympic gold medals as a member of the 1984 and 1992 United States men’s national basketball teams. His number 33 was retired by the Knicks in 2003. He was born on this day in 1962.
Today is my daughter Ramona’s first birthday. She shares her birthday with Patrick Ewing, Neil Armstrong and Adam Yauch (MCA) of the Beastie Boys. Ramona is good. But back to Ewing. As a childhood fan of the Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan in the late 1980s and 1990s, the attitude of Ewing’s Knicks always irritated me. I couldn’t stand John Starks, Charles Oakley, Anthony Mason and the whole rotten lot of them.
Oompa-Loompas are knee-high beings who originate from Loompaland and work in Willy Wonka’s factory. They appear as characters in Roald Dahl’s 1964 children’s novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, its sequel Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, and the film adaptations of these books that followed. In the 1971 film Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory, the Oompa-Loompas were written to be played by actors with dwarfism and are portrayed as orange-skinned, green-haired men in striped shirts and baggy lederhosen-like pants. However, in the book, the Oompa-Loompas insist on maintaining their native clothing: men wear skins, women wear leaves, and children wear nothing.
Note: Perhaps you’d like to play Oompa-Loompa vs. Willy Wonka. The Oompa-Loompa throws golden eggs. It’s a pity they don’t throw miniature Veruca Salts. I want it now.
Willy Wonka is a character in Roald Dahl’s 1964 children’s novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, its sequel Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator, and the film adaptations of these books that followed. The book and the film adaptations both vividly depict an odd Wonka, a phoenix-like man arising from his creative and eccentric genius. In the 1971 film adaptation, Wonka is memorably played by Gene Wilder. Wonka’s reasons for giving away his fantastic factory are never revealed in the books, but in the 1971 film, Wonka tells Charlie he “can’t live forever,” so he wanted to find a sweet child he could trust with his candy-making secrets.
Barry Bonds is a retired Major League Baseball (MLB) left fielder. During a 22-year baseball career, he played for the Pittsburgh Pirates (1986-1992) and the San Francisco Giants (1993-2007). He is the son of former MLB All-Star outfielder Bobby Bonds. A 14-time All-Star and 8-time Gold Glove Award-winner, Bonds is considered one of the greatest baseball players of all time. He won the National League (NL) Most Valuable Player Award seven times, including four consecutively, both of which are records. Bonds also holds the MLB records for most career home runs (762), most home runs in a single season (73, set in 2001), most career walks (2,558) and most career intentional walks (688). He led a controversial career, notably as a central figure in baseball’s steroids scandal, in which he was convicted of obstruction of justice during the government’s investigation of BALCO. Bonds was born on this day in 1964.
It seemed fitting to make Bonds my 762nd pixel art character in honor of his 762 career home runs, especially since today is also his birthday. As evidenced by the testimony of my previous MLB pixel art character, Dock Ellis, modern players have always been using performance-enhancing drugs. Greenies and bennies were easy to get and commonly used by the late 1960s, and baseball players weren’t even tested for steroids until 2004. Keeping Bonds out of the Baseball Hall of Fame is a ludicrous double standard by a bunch of pompous old men. I do not endorse cheating by any athlete, but let’s get real here and climb off our high horses. Bonds was one of the most talented hitters and most important figures in the game of baseball, regardless of steroids. In fact, thanks to steroids, he may have grown the biggest head size the game has ever known.
Ray Allen is an American professional basketball shooting guard and current NBA free agent. He formerly played for the Milwaukee Bucks, Seattle SuperSonics, Boston Celtics and Miami Heat. In college, Allen was a member of the Connecticut Huskies. One of the most accurate three-point and free throw shooters in NBA history, he is a 10-time NBA All-Star, and has won two NBA championships (2008, 2013). Allen won a gold medal at the 2000 Summer Olympics as a member of the U.S. men’s basketball team. He has acted in two films, including the lead role of Jesus Shuttlesworth in the 1998 Spike Lee film He Got Game. Allen is the NBA’s all-time leader in three-point field goals made in both the regular season and the postseason. Now 39 years old, he was born on this day in 1975.
Note: Ray Allen is considering retirement, but he is also being recruited by LeBron James and company to join the new-look Cleveland Cavaliers (AKA the Cleveland Heat) and help them contend for a franchise-first championship. Allen is scheduled to be in China until July 27 and doesn’t appear to be in a rush to decide his playing future, sources said on July 18. He may be waiting to see if the Cavaliers trade for Kevin Love, thus creating another Big Three with Kyrie Irving and his friend LeBron.
Lionel Messi is an Argentine footballer who plays as a forward for Spanish club FC Barcelona and the Argentina national team. He serves as the captain of his country’s national football team. Commonly ranked as the best player in the world and rated by some in the sport as the greatest of all time, Messi is the first football player in history to win four FIFA Ballon d’Or/World Player of the Year awards, all of which he won consecutively (2009-2012), as well as the first to win three European Golden Shoe awards. At the 2008 Summer Olympics, he won a gold medal with the Argentina football team.
Note: Today Lionel Messi’s Argentina team faces the Germany national football team in the 2014 FIFA World Cup final in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
Matthew Inman, who often goes by the nickname “the Oatmeal,” created the website The Oatmeal in 2009. The website features comics drawn by Inman, quizzes and occasional articles. Previously he built Mingle2, a dating website. Inman is also responsible for raising $211K for charity via his 2012 “Bearlove Good. Cancer Bad.” crowdfunding campaign, which was his brilliant response to FunnyJunk’s lawsuit threat. Inman has four published collections of comics, including How to Tell if Your Cat is Plotting to Kill You and Why Grizzly Bears Should Wear Underpants. He lives in the Fremont area of Seattle and was born on September 24, 1982.
For this 8-bit pixel art of Matthew Inman, I did my best to distort his face into the horrifying, exaggerated style of one of his characters from The Oatmeal. And, of course, I gave 8-bit Inman bottles of his beloved Sriracha Rooster Sauce to throw in my Gorillas game. I should also mention that today is the birthday of Nikola Tesla. This is relevant because in August 2012, Matthew Inman launched the “Let’s Build a Goddamn Tesla Museum” fundraising campaign to support the nonprofit organization Tesla Science Center at Wardenclyffe. The idea was to purchase Nikola Tesla’s old laboratory in Long Island—known as the Wardenclyffe Tower, which was built to provide wireless energy for the entire Earth—and turn it into a museum. Ultimately, the campaign succeeded, raising over $2.1 million. Thus, Inman became a Tesla champion. (Related: Matthew Inman vs. Thomas Edison.) My closest encounter with Inman was watching him present about his Internet career at SearchFest 2010 at the Governor Hotel in Portland, Oregon. It was fun to see the Oatmeal speak—and get a free copy of his first book, 5 Very Good Reasons to Punch a Dolphin in the Mouth—at a work conference.
Orenthal James “O. J.” Simpson, also nicknamed “The Juice,” is a retired American football player, broadcaster, actor and convicted felon currently incarcerated in Nevada. Simpson had an 11-year career with the NFL’s Buffalo Bills (1969-1977) and San Francisco 49ers (1978-1979) and was the first professional football player to rush for more than 2,000 yards in a season (1973). He was elected to the Pro Football Hall of Fame in 1985. In 1995, he was acquitted of the 1994 murder of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman after a lengthy and internationally publicized criminal trial, the People v. Simpson. In 1997, a civil court awarded a judgment against Simpson for their wrongful deaths; to date he has paid little of the $33.5 million judgment. In September 2007, Simpson was arrested in Las Vegas, Nevada, and charged with numerous felonies, including armed robbery and kidnapping. In 2008, he was found guilty and sentenced to 33 years’ imprisonment, with a minimum of nine years without parole. Simpson was born on this day in 1947.
Smokey Bear (or Smokey the Bear) is a ranger hat-wearing advertising mascot created to educate the public about the dangers of forest fires. The first advertising campaign featuring Smokey was created in 1944. Smokey Bear’s famous slogan, “Remember – Only YOU can prevent forest fires,” was created in 1947 by the Ad Council for the U.S. Forest Service. According to the Ad Council, Smokey Bear and his message are recognized by 95% of adults and 77% of children. Smokey Bear was featured in a 1955 book in the Little Golden Books series called Smokey the Bear.
Note: Smokey the Bear says, “Only you can prevent your neighborhood from being burned to the ground with illegal fireworks this weekend.” Happy Independence Day, ‘Merica!
Steve Nash is a Canadian professional basketball point guard who has played for the NBA’s Phoenix Suns (1996-1998; 2004-2012), Dallas Mavericks (1998-2004) and Los Angeles Lakers (2012-present). In the 2004-05 season, Nash led the Suns to the Western Conference Finals and was named the league’s Most Valuable Player (MVP). He was named MVP again in the 2005-06 season and missed out on a third consecutive MVP title to former Dallas teammate Dirk Nowitzki in 2006-07. Nash has led the league in assists and free-throw percentage at various points in his career. He is ranked as one of the top players in NBA history in three-point shooting, free-throw shooting, total assists and assists per game.
Dirk Nowitzki is a German professional basketball forward for the NBA’s Dallas Mavericks. He was chosen as the ninth pick in the 1998 NBA Draft and has played 16 seasons for the Mavericks. Nowitzki led the Mavericks to 13 NBA Playoffs (2001-2012; 2014), including the franchise’s first Finals appearance in 2006 and only championship in 2011. He is a 12-time All-Star, a 12-time All-NBA Team member, and the first European player to start in an All-Star Game. Nowitzki has been named NBA Most Valuable Player (2007) and NBA Finals MVP (2011). He was born on this day in 1978.
Kawhi Leonard is an American professional basketball small forward for the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs. He played college basketball at San Diego State University (SDSU) and was selected with the 15th overall pick in the 2011 NBA draft. Yesterday, Leonard won the 2014 NBA championship with the San Antonio Spurs and was named the NBA Finals Most Valuable Player (MVP). At 22 years old, he was the third-youngest to win the Finals MVP, behind only Magic Johnson (who won in both 1980 and 1982). Leonard was born on June 29, 1991.
Kawhi Leonard is my wife’s favorite NBA player. Tim Duncan is her second-favorite player. She became a Spurs fan after watching parts of the NBA Finals in 2013, and again in 2014.
Maurice Sendak was an American illustrator and writer of children’s books. He became widely known for his book Where the Wild Things Are, first published in 1963. Born to Jewish-Polish parents, his childhood was affected by the death of many of his family members during the Holocaust. Sendak’s works include In the Night Kitchen and Outside Over There, and illustrations for Little Bear. He was born on this day in 1928 and died on May 8, 2012.
Tony Parker is a French professional basketball point guard for the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs. He played for two years in the French basketball league before being selected by the San Antonio Spurs in the 2001 NBA Draft. Parker helped the Spurs win three NBA championships in 2003, 2005 and 2007—and was the 2007 NBA Finals MVP. Employing his pace and high field goal percentage to great effect, Parker has been named to six NBA All-Star games. He was also named the FIBA EuroBasket 2013 MVP following his team’s victory over Lithuania in the gold medal game. Parker is also a music artist with his own music album TP.
Manu Ginóbili is an Argentine professional basketball shooting guard for the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs. Hailed as one of the finest international players to grace the NBA, he plays a high-tempo and intense game. He is one of only two players, along with Bill Bradley, to have won a Euroleague title, an NBA championship and an Olympic gold medal. Ginóbili spent the early part of his basketball career in Argentina and Italy, then joined the Spurs in 2002. He made his debut on the Argentina national team in 1998, and helped win the gold medal during the 2004 Olympics.
My wife is not into sports, but she has developed a passing interest in tennis and the NBA because I will sometimes watch a major tournament match or playoff game. For a long time, she called the San Antonio Spurs “the Ginóbilis,” since Manu’s bald spot and noodle-like body maneuvers made him the easiest player for her to recognize and remember. She became a Spurs fan after watching part of the NBA Finals in 2013, and plans to watch the Spurs play the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals again this week.
Chris Bosh is an American professional basketball power forward for the NBA’s Miami Heat. He was selected fourth overall by the Toronto Raptors in the very competitive 2003 draft class that included future NBA superstars LeBron James, Dwyane Wade and Carmelo Anthony. Bosh won a gold medal at the 2008 Olympics and, two years later, reunited with James and Wade on the Miami Heat. Miami Heat’s “Big Three” have since reached four consecutive NBA Finals. Bosh is a nine-time NBA All-Star (2006-2014) and a two-time NBA champion (2012-2013). Despite leaving the Raptors four years ago, the Internet still compares Bosh’s appearance to that of a velociraptor.
Note: The first game of the 2014 NBA Finals is on Thursday, June 5.
Gale Sayers is a retired National Football League (NFL) player who played as a running back for seven seasons (1965-1971) with the Chicago Bears. Known as “The Kansas Comet,” Sayers is a member of both the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the College Football Hall of Fame. His friendship with fellow Chicago Bear Brian Piccolo (who was diagnosed with testicular cancer) was the basis for the 1971 movie Brian’s Song. He is a successful entrepreneur in the information technology field and an active philanthropist. Sayers was born on this day in 1943.
Patrick Ewing – No. 765
Patrick Ewing, Sr. is a retired Jamaican-American basketball player. He played most of his career for the NBA’s New York Knicks as their starting center and played briefly for the Seattle SuperSonics and Orlando Magic. He is currently the associate head coach of the Charlotte Hornets, working under head coach Steve Clifford and owner Michael Jordan. Ewing won Olympic gold medals as a member of the 1984 and 1992 United States men’s national basketball teams. His number 33 was retired by the Knicks in 2003. He was born on this day in 1962.
Today is my daughter Ramona’s first birthday. She shares her birthday with Patrick Ewing, Neil Armstrong and Adam Yauch (MCA) of the Beastie Boys. Ramona is good. But back to Ewing. As a childhood fan of the Chicago Bulls and Michael Jordan in the late 1980s and 1990s, the attitude of Ewing’s Knicks always irritated me. I couldn’t stand John Starks, Charles Oakley, Anthony Mason and the whole rotten lot of them.