Heat Miser is a character from the stop-motion children’s Christmas special The Year Without a Santa Claus, produced by Rankin/Bass in 1974. Heat Miser is a blustery hothead who controls Earth’s hot weather and possesses the supernatural power to melt objects at will. His arch-nemesis is his stepbrother Snow Miser, and their mother is Mother Nature.
Who is Heat Miser’s father? See yesterday’s Snow Miser commentary on this important paternity case.
Snow Miser is a character from the stop-motion children’s Christmas special The Year Without a Santa Claus, produced by Rankin/Bass in 1974. The icicle-covered Snow Miser controls Earth’s cold weather and possesses the supernatural power to freeze objects at will. His arch-nemesis is his stepbrother Heat Miser, and their mother is Mother Nature.
Since the Miser Brothers are identified as stepbrothers, did Mother Nature adopt one or both of them? Or, if she is the biological mother of both (making them half-brothers), then how promiscuous was she? I figure Snow Miser’s father has to be either Father Winter or Jack Frost. And I can’t think of a likelier paternal option for Heat Miser than the Devil; Mother Nature might be more hardcore than we thought if she’s into sex that kinky. In 2008, Warner Bros. exacted some Rankin/Bass revisionism with A Miser Brothers’ Christmas by portraying the naughty Miser Brothers as fraternal twins who have a malevolent brother North Wind.
On November 14, 2011, coinciding with Nintendo’s launch of Super Mario 3D Land, PETA released a spoof Flash game called Super Tanooki Skin 2D as part of their “Mario Kills Tanooki” publicity campaign. According to PETA, “Tanooki may be just a ‘suit’ in Mario games, but in real life, tanuki are raccoon dogs who are skinned alive for their fur.” In the PETA game, a skinned tanuki chases a blood-soaked Tanooki Mario to reclaim his fur.
PETA’s incendiary politics (and its inhumane 90+ percent kill rate of stray cats and dogs) aside, I enjoyed their 8-bit Tanooki game. Mario’s Tanooki Suit, which resembles a tanuki and gives him shapeshifting powers, first appeared in Super Mario Bros. 3 in 1990. In ancient Japanese folklore and popular culture (see Pom Poko), raccoon dogs are mischievous masters of disguise. My favorite tanuki is my part-Siamese cat Tanuki.
Bullwinkle J. Moose is the cartoon moose protagonist of the 1959-1964 animated television series The Rocky and Bullwinkle Show, produced by Jay Ward. Bullwinkle was known for being well-meaning but dimwitted. He and Rocky have a shared sense of optimism, persistence and traditional ethics and moral standards.
You need to watch the hilariously profane short film/mashup Raging Bullwinkle, supposedly created by the animators of The Adventures of Rocky & Bullwinkle (2000) for the film crew’s enjoyment.
The protagonist of the Rainbow Brite character franchise introduced by Hallmark Cards in 1983. The animated television series began in 1984. In the backstory, a little orphan girl named Wisp is taken by an unknown force to the Colorless World. Wisp (AKA Rainbow Brite) befriends a sprite named Twink and a majestic white horse known as Starlite.
As with Strawberry Shortcake, I prefer to pretend that the new hyper-sexualized version of Rainbow Brite doesn’t exist. There is something fundamentally wrong with our culture.
A cartoon character owned by American Greetings (which also owns the Care Bears franchise). Originally created in 1977 for use in greeting cards, Strawberry Shortcake and her friends have been licensed for dolls, toys, posters, an animated TV series and other products. During the 1980s, this franchise was a huge fad for young girls throughout the U.S.
I reject the pubescent, sexualized makeover of Strawberry Shortcake that was introduced in 2008. Also, in celebration of my 271st character: Did you know that 271 is the smallest prime P where P-1 and P+1 are divisible by cubes?
An iconic college football coach who was the head coach of the Penn State Nittany Lions from 1966 through 2011. JoePa holds the record for the most victories by an FBS football coach with 409 and coached five undefeated teams. He was fired on November 9, 2011 by Penn State trustees in the wake of the horrific Jerry Sandusky scandal.
Joe Paterno has always reminded me of my late Italian grandfather and, as a Penn State alum and former State College resident, I occasionally saw this humble man around town. It is difficult to understand how a man who stressed moral character didn’t act beyond his legal obligations when the well-being of a child was at stake. Sad times.
The cat that accompanies the magical Fog Maiden on her nightly visits to Earth. Token the Cat first appeared in the 1976 children’s book When Everyone Was Fast Asleep and was featured in a second book Songs of the Fog Maiden, both written and illustrated by American author Tomie de Paola.
Today is 11/11/11. And it’s Veterans Day, which honors the 25 million U.S. military veterans. A moment of silence to remember those who have given their lives.
A fictional heroine in the Filmation cartoon and series of toys produced by Mattel called She-Ra: Princess of Power. She is the alter ego of Princess Adora and the twin sister of He-Man. She-Ra was intended to appeal to young girls in the same way that He-Man appealed to young boys. She wielded her power through the Sword of Protection.
Remember the pink Crystal Castle playset? My sister still owns this She-Ra accessory. Her daughter plays with it now.
The fortune teller from Zoltar Speaks, the magical fortune-telling machine in Big. For the 1988 romantic comedy film, the one-of-a-kind machine was placed at Rye Playland, an amusement park located in Rye, New York. Tom Hanks stars as Josh Baskin, a young boy who makes a wish to be “big” and is then aged to adulthood overnight.
Today is Election Day in the U.S. Want to make a wish?
Salvador Dalà was a prominent Spanish Catalan surrealist painter known for his striking and bizarre imagery. His painterly skills are often attributed to the influence of Renaissance masters. He is best known for the melting clocks of The Persistence of Memory (1931).
I decided to represent DalÃ’s eccentric manner with 8-bit butterfly wings à la Landscape with Butterflies (1956). Also, today is the end of U.S. Daylight Saving Time. Time to embrace perpetual darkness and “fall back.”
A Hunkpapa Lakota Sioux holy man who led his people as a tribal chief during years of resistance to U.S. government policies. Known for his role in the Battle of the Little Bighorn, he briefly toured with Buffalo Bill Cody’s Wild West Show. In 1890, he was killed by Indian agency police during an attempt to arrest him for supporting the Ghost Dance movement.
Since 1990, citizens in South Dakota have been celebrating Native American Day instead of Columbus Day. This makes me happy. Screw Columbus anyway. Even though Columbus was a wretched human being and wrong about everything, he was lucky enough to survive his catastrophic miscalculations and find uncharted land before his crews starved to death.
The lovable protagonist in the comic strip Peanuts by Charles M. Schulz. Good ol’ Charlie Brown made his first appearance in 1950 and failed at almost everything he did until Schulz’s death in 2000. Cursed with self-doubt, insecurities and frequent bad luck, Charlie is often taken advantage of by his peers.
Watching A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965) is an annual holiday tradition. Dance!
Marvin the Martian (also known as Commander X-2) is a fictional character who appears in Looney Tunes cartoons, often being foiled by Bugs Bunny. He made his debut in 1948. Marvin wears a Roman soldier’s uniform and basketball sneakers. His likeness appears on NASA’s Spirit rover on Mars.
One the nicer art projects I made in school was a version of Marvin the Martian’s head and helmet. I created it with plaster gauze (over a balloon, I believe), cardstock and acrylic paint. It was for my ninth grade art class with Mr. Tom Whitehead, one of my favorite teachers. I’m still proud of it.
A cruel, hideous Martian from the Mars Attacks science fiction trading card set released by Topps in 1962. Artist Wallace Wood drew the original artwork. In 1996, the trading card series was adapted into the American science fiction comedy Mars Attacks! directed by Tim Burton. Remember what Slim Whitman’s song “Indian Love Call” did to the Martians?
I thought this would be an appropriate character for World Peace Day.
A Jamaican singer-songwriter and musician. He was the rhythm guitarist and lead singer for the ska, rocksteady and reggae band Bob Marley & The Wailers (1963-1981). Marley remains the most widely known and revered performer of reggae music, and is credited with helping spread both Jamaican music and the Rastafari movement to a worldwide audience.
The Bob Marley is my favorite American Dream Pizza combo. Toppings: Jamaican jerk chicken, mushrooms, black olives and red onions.
A cultural icon of the United States, representing women who worked in factories during World War II. The character particularly symbolizes the many women employed by manufacturing plants that produced munitions and war supplies. Rosie is commonly used as a symbol of feminism and women’s economic power. We can do it!
I am spending this Labor Day weekend in Seattle (mainly at Bumbershoot) and Vancouver, BC.
One of my three cats. The youngest, smallest and most skittish of the group. Tanuki was rescued from the feral cat colony beneath my old apartment complex. He is part-Siamese, insane and magical. I suspect that he shapeshifts. He was adopted in November 2008 as a kitten. My ex-girlfriend adopted his lunatic brother. They both turn three years old soon. His estimated birthday is September 2, 2008.
P.S. I almost named him Rorschach due to the dark inkblot-like markings on his face. Tanuki looks remarkably like Frankie from the 2010 Animal Rescue commemorative stamps.
Update: Tanuki passed away on November 9, 2019, almost exactly four years after The King. He’s now buried in our backyard. Rest in peace, little buddy. On to shapeshifting in another realm. Eli is our last surviving cat, the only family pet we have left – gone are his father and his loyal, secretive little brother from another mother. Eli will turn 13 years old in March. (Thinking about the diversity of fur colors and patterns in the feral cat colony my cats came from, I’m reminded of the detailed Colour and Pattern Charts page at Messybeast.com.)
One of my three cats. Before being neutered, The King was the alpha male of the feral cat colony beneath my old apartment complex and the presumed father of Eli. He was rescued in October 2008 when I moved from the apartment to a house. This broad-shouldered, 17-pound cat is loyal, tough and possibly shamanic. He wins battles with raccoons. His estimated birthday is May 17, 2005, though he could be older.
Update: The King passed away on November 4, 2015 due to complications from feline immunodeficiency virus (FIV), a lifelong condition from his feral past. He had grown thinner and more feeble throughout 2015. One morning he suddenly stopped eating, and it was all over by nightfall. I’ll miss how he followed me everywhere, requesting attention with his broken meow. The King is dead, long live The King. His body will join the previous homeowner’s deceased cat Bhanti (a tiny brown tabby female) in our backyard pet cemetery. Now we are down to two cats, Eli and Tanuki.
Ralphie Parker (A Christmas Story) – No. 299
The nine-year-old protagonist of the 1983 holiday classic A Christmas Story. The film was based on the stories of author and raconteur Jean Shepherd. Ralphie wants only one thing for Christmas: a Red Ryder BB Gun, with a compass in the stock and “this thing which tells time” (a sundial). Every adult tells him the same thing: “You’ll shoot your eye out.”
I was tempted to create an 8-bit Adam Sandler for today, since we all know Sandler is the modern spiritual figurehead of Hanukkah, but I could not resist Ralphie in his pink bunny suit.